Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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