I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am available for nakedness
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
