I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
