he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
