i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
