I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
