I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
