Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
