i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
