i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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