Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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