my sisters under your porch take her home
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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