FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
