I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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