I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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