I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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