Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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