Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
