The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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