from now on my penis is your penis
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
