After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
