Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
