:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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