Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
