White coat. Heels.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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