i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
