it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
