There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
