Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
