During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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