how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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