I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
