Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
