I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
