she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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