My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
