Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize