I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
