if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
