If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Randomize
