Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
