i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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