i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have tasted many bathrooms
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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