I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
