i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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