You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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