I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
