My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
