there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
