trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
